DOMESTIC-VIOLENCE

Will He Be a Batterer?

Well, they say "If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss." In domestic-violence, maybe it would be more accurate to say that it's in his personality. There are 17 personality traits that have been identified in batterers. If you see several of these traits or recognize some of these negative behaviors, you may with somebody who is or will become a perpetrator of domestic-violence.





LOOK OUT FOR THESE SIGNS

Jealousy: From the very beginning of a relationship, an abuser will tell a woman that jealousy is a sign of love. Actually, it's a sign of possessiveness, insecurity on his part, and a lack of trust. It has nothing to do with love.

Controlling Behavior: This may be masked with good intentions. A batterer will say he only has a woman's safety in mind when he makes decisions for her, such as who she will see, where she will go, and handling of money.

Quick Involvement: Many battered women dated or knew their abusers for less than six months before making a commitment. A batterer puts pressure on a woman to commit to him, trying to make her feel guilty about ever thinking of ending the relationship.

Unrealistic Expectations: Abusive people want perfect people who will meet all their needs.

Isolation: An abusive person will try to cut a woman off from family and friends. He accuses other people of trying to cause problems in their relationship. His goal is to remove her from all resources and support.

Blames Others for His Problems: An abuser may find it hard to stay employed. He accuses everyone else of doing him wrong--particularly his spouse.

Blames Others for Feelings: A batterer tells others they control how he feels. He uses feelings to manipulate a woman.

Hypersensitivity: An abuser is easily hurt or insulted. He tends to rant and rave about the injustices of day-to-day life.

Cruelty to Children and Animals: While an abuser is sensitive to himself, he is insensitive to others. He carries teasing of chldren too far and expects them to do things beyond their capability. With animals, he may be brutal.

Force of Sex: An abuser may use force in sex and call it "playful". He finds the idea of rape exciting. He likes to hold a woman down during sex. He sulks to manipulate a woman into sex, or he may start to have sex with a woman while she is asleep or demand sex when she is sick, tired, or busy.

Verbal Abuse: An abuser says things to hurt a woman. He degrades her, swears at her, and runs down anything she does.

Rigid Sex Roles: The abuser sees women as inferior to men, unable to be a total person without a relationship.

Jekyll and Hyde Personality: A batterer may have sudden, unpredicatble mood swings.

Past Battering: An abuser may have hit, pushed, or restrained a woman in the past, but will say the victim made him do it, or she deserved it. An abuser will become violent with any partner who is with him long enough for the abuse to begin.

Threatening: An abuser will make physical threats...."I'll slap your mouth," or "I'll break your neck."

Breaking or Striking Out at Things: This "posturing" behavior is used to scare a woman into submission. It may include throwing things or pounding on things with his fist.

Force in an Argument: Pushing, shoving, or preventing a woman from leaving a room are examples of forceful behavior and domestic-violence.

NOTE: Some of these personality traits that focus on power and control are evident during dating, but often are overlooked by a woman....because they may be subtle at first or because she feels she can change him later.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO ASK A QUESTION?

DOMESTIC-VIOLENCE: ARE YOU ABUSED?

DOES THE PERSON YOU LOVE....

1. "Track" all of your time?
2. Constantlly accuse you of being unfaithful?
3. Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
4. Prevent you from working or attending school?
5. Criticize you for little things?
6. Anger easily when drinking or on drugs?
7. Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
8. Humiliate you in front of others?
9. Destroy personal property or sentimental items?
10. Hit, punch, slap, kick or bite you or your children?
11. Threaten to hurt you or your children?
12. Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
13. Force you to have sex against your will?

These are all evidence of domestic-violence.

Domestic-Violence: Are you an Anger Junkie?
Domestic-Violence: Taking Personal Responsibility