Ask Dr. J. Archives

Dear Dr.J

I have had trouble with this crazy person (Let’s call her Mary) for years, ever since I smuggled a dog in the condo that I was not suppose to and she reported it. I avoid her like no tomorrow; still she seeks me out, though I do try to avoid her.

I really did something to myself and it is making me crazy. I fear that I will never be forgiven for my big and loud outburst on the terrace that echoes throughout the parking lot. I said a lot of awful things about her and thankfully she wasn't around to hear my outburst. But the rest of the world did. A policeman who used to live in the building was moving out and heard me and the manager did too.

Mary accused me of calling her an idiot, which I did not. However, she does stalk the halls and listens to people in order to make trouble and call the police. So apparently she was stalking about, saw me, hid, and heard me mumble under my breath “idiot”. She suddenly appeared out of nowhere and said, “What did you say to me? I'm calling the police.” She also falsely accused me of stalking simply because she sees me out on the terrace every morning when she takes her son to school. I go out at 6:45 am and 3:45 pomp, or used to. Well the police got all over me on that.

I went crazy on the terrace that echoes all over the place, I said a lot of unkind things about her, and I still do deny that I called her an idiot. I said it under my breath but never to her face. And never purposely to cause trouble. I said that on the terrace too. Now I feel that everyone thinks I lied to the police, the manager, the president of the board, and in general. And that I was rattling her cage on purpose, just to cause myself trouble. This crazy person is still trying to take my picture in order to make her false stalking accusations stick. She got me once at 3:07 p.m. and again at 4:00 p.m. while I was out on my terrace reading a magazine. I went crazy with that too.

I truly am scared of this woman, I can't tell the police or anyone else, though I did tell the office manager, and the president of the board, who told me not to tell a soul. I spoke to my friend who lives in another city who went through another situation like mine. I feel like they will never forgive me, and that I lied about everything about what this crazy person does to me. They believe that I am the one making trouble for myself and my sick mother. I am getting sick from all of this and can't sleep. I also feel that I am as crazy as her. I try not to go anywhere near her. What's wrong with me? Am I losing it?


Dear Scared

Yes, I think you are “losing it”, but it’s not your fault. I think you may have a disorder that is preventing you from dealing with this situation better. You have mentioned the “outburst” you had on the terrace of your apartment that was heard by others. You also mentioned that the police were called and you were questioned by them about your behavior. Whether you were right or wrong in what you were saying, when other people call the police because of your behavior this is a sign that there is a problem.

The second part of your story that is troubling is that you have been unable to let go of this incident and forgive yourself for your behavior. It sounds as if you have ruminating and intrusive thoughts about it that are keeping you from sleeping at night. This is a signal that you need professional help. The other thing that bothers me is that you are obsessing about this crazy person, Mary, and believe that she is a threat. It’s not that I don’t believe you when you say she’s stalking you because I have no way of knowing exactly what is going on. But I don’t like the sounds of how you are describing her behavior and how really terrified you seem to be about her and what others may think about you in relationship to her. This is not healthy thinking, and it is no wonder that you feel crazy because of it. Your thinking is not on track and you do need professional help immediately.

Please call your local Mental Health Center or check the yellow pages for a psychologist or psychiatrist and get an appointment. You are NOT crazy, but you may be suffering from a disorder which will respond well to medication. You do not want to continue to suffer when you could receive treatment that will help. A therapist will help you sort out your feelings and then you can decide how you want to handle this situation with Mary. Call today. You need some support.

Dr. J

Feeling-Crazy-Advice: Also see Dr. J. Archives

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